Sleep, Inspiration and Connection

Is sleep or the lack of it correlated to my flow of inspiration?

Over the last 15 years of being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I've always gone through periods where my life is in turmoil or chaos, bringing on sleepless nights, followed by bouts of amazing clarity and insight, both during periods of being medicated, or not.

Often it's the other way round, sleepless nights arrive for no reason, followed by clarity and turmoil in either order and then the other, to the point that Ive accepted these times as being heaven sent in a manner. A chance to muddle through the clouds of normalcy induced by extended lithium and valproate, to see more clearly than anyone could, as to what Im capable of dreaming and achieving.

Sometimes sharing these feelings and thoughts with those around me were scary. I feared being judged as experiencing another onset of mania, when I knew I wasnt. After all Im medicated, with balanced blood levels and I can rapid cycle by disrupting my sleep patterns, almost like a switch with the difference being I choose when and how versus those early days where I simply went bonkers and got introduced to men in white coats. If this is sounding a little crazy to you, I wont hold it against you.

These days I choose my circle of influence with care, my girlfriend and friends all accept me for what I am. I choose not to associate with people who would not "get" me or that part of me labelled "bipolar". It's seriously important to recognise that our circumstances are all about personal choice, even though it may not seem that way to you in the now. You have the choice of how you allow events and people to affect you, this is powerful.

Fact is, playing with sleep is the one way I can gain access to my personal deep connection with my higher self. Other times its not so controlled, meaning I'm not the one doing the connecting, rather I'm being connected with or to, depending on whether I'm paying attention and "listening".

It's during those connected times I go into a wonderful place inside of me, and feel the flow, taking advantage of the wisdom and wild ideas that come with it. It's a time to feel free and expressive, to be outside the box and create magical ideas.
Most of the ideas go nowhere, some make it to paper and fewer yet become realised. Recently most of them are flowing down one avenue, all pointing to my next great project, but probably the best idea Ive ever had, the one that has caused the most profound and beneficial change in my life, is being honest with myself.

I am becoming more consistent at it with practice, despite the pain it sometimes can cause, but when you move past that temporary state you may realise many things. For me, realising bipolar is a blessing - to me, and also that pain only has as much power to hurt as you grant it.

Of course the biggest next lesson in adopting any new idea is consistency, and thats worth a book's worth of blogging for another time.

Until then, be honest with your-self.

M