Fear Of Rejection

This morning I sat for 2 and a half long hours at the car dealership waiting for my truck to be fixed for a recall. Behind the scenes their computers were down and ultimately they could not fix the issue right away, but in the meantime I obliviously toured the car lot, strolled in the sun and took some time to myself in the waiting area.

There I met an older Irish gentleman and we talked about his kids, my kids and their different achievements and struggles. A common theme soon emerged through the conversation which was rejection, the fear of it and how it makes you stronger.

His eldest kid happened to be almost as old as I, and he has several grandchildren, but we explored how rejection had shaped the lives of those around us and our joint consensus was that it made one more ready to attack the world, especially when experienced in youth through common activities like sports, social activities and the like.

Thinking back to this forum, and our ongoing conversation about self-realization and creation, the known and the mystical, I contemplated writing an article and this notion took root within me.

How does the fear of rejection hold you back from achieving greater inner goals and development?

Fears in general are obstacles to be overcome, to move beyond on your path, including the fear of death.

The fear of rejection can only take hold in someone who has a vested interest in the opinions of others, in one way or another. The next question would be whether you are willing to move beyond this, to a place where instead of investing your energy and thoughts in what you cannot control, to one of relying on your own intuition and beliefs.

Many people will openly state their beliefs to all that would listen, personal beliefs, moral beliefs, spiritual and religious beliefs and so on. Few actually live them. Fewer still have moved beyond the fear of rejection, to not feel the incessant need to share their beliefs with all and sundry.

There is only one important person in your life and at the centre of your fears, your self. There is only one person who stands to benefit from your overcoming any fears you may have and this is you. Pondering this statement you may choose to differ, arguing that others indeed benefit, those around you, those close to you. While a change in your belief set may make you easier to live with or more humorous than before, the only real change is associated to you. The reality you create is still your own. Things may look rosier on the outside because they are rosier on your inside.

Although we are all indisputably connected, each individual is responsible to their own development and inner work. Outside details are just the wrapping on an inner gift, so those around you may well benefit from your personal changes and work, but this is only because they choose to.

Essentially your fear of rejection is associated with the stake you have placed in the connections you have with others. The energy you give to this fear will determine your ability to overcome it. You will be required to trust yourself at different layers.

To say that you trust your intuition, and then be anxious over your performance appraisal or a credit check or your husbands opinion of your new shoes, is not stating a full truth. The statement is layered, and this is easy to acknowledge for most of us. At some level most of us trust our intuition but there are moments of doubt.

In all of this there is no wrong, merely the opportunity to be more internally independent, which does not imply either that you require no one in your life - far from it.

Although I cannot offer a one-size-fits-all approach to working this challenge, there are some general pieces of advice you might consider:

- Practicing detachment. There are good articles on this blog relating to detaching yourself.

- Asking better questions. Another great article you may choose to benefit from. Ask the Universe better questions for you will be answered if you learn to listen with more than your ears. "Why am I stuck in this situation?" "Why am I attached to what so-and-so thinks of me?" "What steps can I take to change?"

- Imagine. Imagine yourself free of your fear. Your imagination drives your subconscious. Words alone cannot convince you of the importance of this, but my hope is that you will appreciate what I am saying and take it to heart. Learn to imagine properly, it is a form of prayer.

- Self acceptance. Acceptance of who you are, your great power and connection to the universe and a living acknowledgement of the bright light that you are, is important. All this, but without ego.

- Your internal language. Mental self-talk. To some an arch-enemy and derailer of plans, to others a gift from above. Examine the language you use in your thoughts and set about rectifying anything you don't like. There are more than a few articles here on developing and opening your thought ways.


I will never tell you to write all your concerns on paper, or keep a journal, perhaps even a blog, but these help too and in greater scope - in the overall development of who you are becoming and are now being. Each to their own, your path is not mine, but I will gladly help as I can through this forum.

At the end of the conversation about rejection, the elder gentleman in the waiting room, and I, concluded that we should write a book on the subject. Instead I decided to offer this article to you.

Namaste,
-Mikel